Late Night Thoughts..

Thoughts one late night... I've greatly enjoyed reading for most of my life, yet now I am faced with a great "need" to read.. To learn.. To absorb as much knowledge as possible. Something is drawing me to books, to knowledge.. To exploration. I was told years ago by someone of spiritual prowess that my success lied within books. I've come to the point in my life where wisdom is starting to dawn upon me. I've lived a life of happiness up until about ten to twelve years ago where my emotional and mental breakdown began and ultimately placed me in the unfortunate position I am now in. I've started to heal myself, in stages, and my pursuit of knowledge will be my key to my salvation. My search for knowledge, my journey to find who I am, and where my place is in this world has just begun at the eve of my 30th birthday. A bit late considering the average life span but better than never and smarter than most. Life has to offer more, I know it offers more and I mean to realize that. I have known and witnessed so many people become successful and live amazing lives with little in their brains and lots in their pockets. I've seen scumbags and harletts live like kings and queens, thieves and crooks prosper, and mentally inferior individuals retire from fortune 500 companies and yet here I stand unemployed, overweight, and at the end of my mental threshold. Life is something isn't it? There has to be a place for me in this version of earth, in this dimension, in this instance of me that isn't who I am today. I refuse to think that I will continue to be a barnacle on the underbelly of progress. So with that being expressed, passionately I might add, books will be my savior. Knowledge and exploration will be my ticket to a life and sanity that I deserve. What knowledge? My mind seems to be partial to space, physics, astronomy, and the like... Not the easiest concepts to grasp, but my interests in these sciences has peaked late in my life. I am constantly listening to Bill Bryson's audio book A Short history of Nearly Everything, to the point where I go to sleep and wake up to it. My significant other doesn't enjoy my methods of learning much but she appreciates it nonetheless. I am plagued of thoughts of other alien worlds, time travel, black holes, space travel, and existence as a whole on a constant basis. I am determined to be self taught in these subjects, a feat I thought was impossible until I read of famous individuals who did just that in the past. I don't have the funds for a formal education, yet with the internet at hand I can easily obtain any material that I need for research. I would like to think that if the world had to start over tomorrow (given that I had somehow access to a power source and my computer of course) I could re-educate the population with my gathered knowledge. I made it a priority to find and download everything I thought that would be essential for human knowledge. Everything an individual should know to survive, prosper, and grow. Every important subject imaginable I downloaded and archived for my research so I could teach myself what I thought was the most essential skills known. Beyond my little survival kit lies my true passion though.. The planets, the stars, the universe, the mysteries of existence. I doubt I will live long enough for proven space flight but the next generation will definitely see strides in space travel, at least I hope so. The earth isn't the only planet with life on it and to think otherwise would be insanity. It will be just a matter of time before we publicly accept this fact. How amazing would it be to travel to other world's and experience other races of beings. Anyway, so the point of me writing this out of blue has left me and so has my train of thought... So with that I end this.
:-)

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